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About Varied / Hobbyist Raven20/Female/United States Recent Activity
Deviant for 5 Years
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I know I haven't been on in, well, forever. Probably about ten months. I'm sorry for that. I know I probably worried some of you, and that wasn't my intention. I'm not going to make excuses. I also don't want to get any hopes up. This doesn't mean I'm coming back. I'm not. I can't. I just thought... well, I have a couple of people I talked to on here quite a bit, and at one time I considered them kind of sort of friends, as much as you can be friends with someone you don't really know. And I just thought it was kind of rude to leave it like that.

But anyways, this Saturday is the anniversary of my best friend's death. One year. He was everything to me. My whole world. I love him with my entire soul, and whatever is left of my heart. Four years ago we made a suicide pact together. We both wanted to die, but we couldn't because of each other. So we were going to end it all together. We never found a time. We kept setting a date, then something would come up or it wouldn't happen or one of us would chicken out and we didn't die together. But that's the thing. We didn't die together.

He couldn't take it anymore, and on January 5, 2012 he killed himself. I didn't do it. I've tried a couple of times since, but it never worked, and other times I just didn't do it. For a little bit I thought maybe it would be worth it, to live. But it's not, and I hate myself more than you could ever fathom for thinking of backing out. He's dead. He's all by himself somewhere, or maybe he's just existing in darkness. Or something. I don't know. I really don't have a clue what happens when you die. But the point is that he's alone, because we were supposed to die together. So now I'm going to make things right. In three days I will die. I'm going to join him, wherever he is, and hope to the God I don't quite believe in that we'll be together again, and that he'll forgive me for taking so long. One way or another, I will die. And I guess I just wanted to say goodbye, in my usual long-winded way.

So goodbye.
  • Listening to: In the End by Black Veil Brides

Journal History


WheresMySecondChance's Profile Picture
Artist | Hobbyist | Varied
United States
Um... I'm not really sure what to say. I'm an insecure fifteen year old who's out of touch with reality. I immerse myself in writing and art as if the worlds I create and see are real, and I won't often admit they're not. I tend toward the darker side of things, and my version of humor is usually pretty cynical. I have EDNOS and am clinically depressed, and that's usually expressed through my writing, if not my art. And Black Veil Brides is my LIFE.

Oh, I'm also a big fan of shounen-ai (not yaoi, and there is a difference).

“As we grow up we learn that even the person that wasn’t supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it gets harder every time. You’ll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You’ll fight with your best friend. You’ll blame a new love for things an old one did. You’ll cry because time is passing too fast, and you’ll eventually lose someone you love, so take many pictures, laugh too much and love like you’ve never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is one minute of happiness you’ll never get back.”

- Andy Biersack



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ScarPath358 Featured By Owner Sep 20, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist

Hey there friend! Umm.. Err..

Okay. I'm going to straight out just say it!

Go creep ~zombiereaderpianist's page!


A7XFan666 Featured By Owner Jun 9, 2013
happy birthday raven:party::iconcakeplz::iconballoonsplz:
DanceAndMakeRomance Featured By Owner Jan 2, 2013
hey there
WheresMySecondChance Featured By Owner Jan 2, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
DanceAndMakeRomance Featured By Owner Jan 2, 2013
hows u?
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