I feel really guilty right now. I said I'd try not to, but I did. I did and it was so entirely worth it that it scares me. I scare me. It's too perfect, all of it. No one can see through anymore. It's too perfect and it hurts and I just want it all to stop.
I hope the numbness sets in again.
Journals46
Newest
Farewell
3 min read
I know I haven't been on in, well, forever. Probably about ten months. I'm sorry for that. I know I probably worried some of you, and that wasn't my intention. I'm not going to make excuses. I also don't want to get any hopes up. This doesn't mean I'm coming back. I'm not. I can't. I just thought... well, I have a couple of people I talked to on here quite a bit, and at one time I considered them kind of sort of friends, as much as you can be friends with someone you don't really know. And I just thought it was kind of rude to leave it like that.
But anyways, this Saturday is the anniversary of my best friend's death. One year. He was everything to me. My whole world. I love him with my entire soul, and whatever is left of my heart. Four years ago we made a suicide pact together. We both wanted to die, but we couldn't because of each other. So we were going to end it all together. We never found a time. We kept setting a date, then something would come up or it wouldn't happen or one of us would chicken out and we didn't die together. But that's the thing. We didn't die together.
He couldn't take it anymore, and on January 5, 2012 he killed himself. I didn't do it. I've tried a couple of times since, but it never worked, and other times I just didn't do it. For a little bit I thought maybe it would be worth it, to live. But it's not, and I hate myself more than you could ever fathom for thinking of backing out. He's dead. He's all by himself somewhere, or maybe he's just existing in darkness. Or something. I don't know. I really don't have a clue what happens when you die. But the point is that he's alone, because we were supposed to die together. So now I'm going to make things right. In three days I will die. I'm going to join him, wherever he is, and hope to the God I don't quite believe in that we'll be together again, and that he'll forgive me for taking so long. One way or another, I will die. And I guess I just wanted to say goodbye, in my usual long-winded way.
So goodbye.
But anyways, this Saturday is the anniversary of my best friend's death. One year. He was everything to me. My whole world. I love him with my entire soul, and whatever is left of my heart. Four years ago we made a suicide pact together. We both wanted to die, but we couldn't because of each other. So we were going to end it all together. We never found a time. We kept setting a date, then something would come up or it wouldn't happen or one of us would chicken out and we didn't die together. But that's the thing. We didn't die together.
He couldn't take it anymore, and on January 5, 2012 he killed himself. I didn't do it. I've tried a couple of times since, but it never worked, and other times I just didn't do it. For a little bit I thought maybe it would be worth it, to live. But it's not, and I hate myself more than you could ever fathom for thinking of backing out. He's dead. He's all by himself somewhere, or maybe he's just existing in darkness. Or something. I don't know. I really don't have a clue what happens when you die. But the point is that he's alone, because we were supposed to die together. So now I'm going to make things right. In three days I will die. I'm going to join him, wherever he is, and hope to the God I don't quite believe in that we'll be together again, and that he'll forgive me for taking so long. One way or another, I will die. And I guess I just wanted to say goodbye, in my usual long-winded way.
So goodbye.
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...
2 min read
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Stereotypes...
10 min read
For people that hate stereotypes: If you think people should just shut up and stop, put this on your profile. (BOLD the ones you are.)
X
I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic.
I'm EMO, so I MUST cut my wrists.
I'm a NEGRO so I MUST carry a gun.
I'm BLONDE, so I MUST be a ditz
I'm JAMAICAN so I MUST smoke weed.
I'm HAITIAN so I MUST eat cat.
I'm ASIAN, so I MUST be sexy.
I'm JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy.
I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS.
I'm a LESBIAN, so I MUST have a sex-tape.
I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist.
I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.
I'm a GAY RIGHTS SUPPORTER, so I WILL go to hell.
I'm a CHRISTAN, so I MUST think gay people should go to hell.
I'm RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat.
I'm ATHEIST so I MUST hate the world.
I don't have a RELIGION, so I MUST be evil and have no morals.
I'm REPUBLICAN, so I MUST not care about poor people.
I'm DEMOCRAT, so I MUST not believe in being responsible.
I am LIBERAL, so I MUST be gay.
I'm SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash.
I TAKE ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, so I MUST be crazy. (took)
I'm a GUY, so I MUST only want to get into your pants.
I'm IRISH, so I MUST have a bad drinking problem.
I'm INDIAN, so I MUST own a convenient store.
I'm NATIVE AMERICAN, so I MUST dance around a fire screaming like a savage.
I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore...
I'm a DANCER, So I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.
I wear SKIRTS a lot, so I MUST be a slut.
I'm a PUNK, so I MUST do drugs.
I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob.
I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth or emo.
I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend.
I'm CUBAN, so I MUST spend my spare time rolling cigars.
I'm NOT A VIRGIN, so I MUST be easy.
I FELL IN LOVE WITH A MARRIED MAN, so I MUST be a home-wrecking whore.
I'm a TEENAGE MOM, so I MUST be an irresponsible slut.
I'm POLISH, so I MUST wear my socks with my sandals.
I'm ITALIAN, so I must have a "big one".
I'm EGYPTIAN, so I must be a TERRORIST!
I'm PRETTY, so I MUST not be a virgin.
I HAVE STRAIGHT A'S, so I MUST have no social life.
I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS, so I MUST be looking for attention.
I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS so I MUST be looking for attention.
I'm INTO THEATER & ART, so I MUST be a homosexual.
I'm a VEGETARIAN, so I MUST be a crazy political activist.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be having sex with them all.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GIRLS WHO ARE FRIENDS, so I MUST be a player.
I have Big BOOBS, so I MUST be a hoe.
I'm COLOMBIAN, so I MUST be a drug dealer.
I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser.
I'm RUSSIAN, so I MUST be cool and that's how Russians roll.
I'm GERMAN, so I must be a Nazi.
I hang out with GAYS, so I must be GAY TOO.
I'm BRAZILIAN, so I MUST have a BIG BUTT.
I'm PUERTO RICAN, so I MUST look good and be conceited.
I'm SALVADORIAN, so I MUST be in MS 13.
I'm POLISH, so I MUST be greedy.
I'm HAWAIIAN so I MUST be lazy.
I'm PERUVIAN, so I MUST like llamas.
I'm a STONER so I MUST be going in the wrong direction.
I'm a VIRGIN so I MUST be prude.
I'm STRAIGHT EDGE so I must be violent.
I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly.. or crazy.
I'm BLACK so I MUST love fried chicken and kool-aid.
I'm a GIRL who actually EATS LUNCH, so I MUST be fat.
I'm SINGLE so I MUST be ugly.
I'm a SKATER so I must do weed and steal stuff.
I'm a PUNK so I must only wear black and date only other punks.
I'm ASIAN so I must be a NERD that does HOMEWORK 24/7.
I'm CHRISTIAN so I MUST hate homosexuals.
I'm MIXED so I must be screwed up.
I'm MUSLIM so I MUST be a terrorist.
I'm in BAND, so I MUST be a dork.
I'm BLACK so I MUST believe JESUS WUZ A BROTHA.
I'm MORMON so I MUST be perfect.
I'm WHITE and have black friends so I MUST think I'm black.
I'm GOTH so I MUST worship the devil.
I'm HISPANIC, so I MUST be dirty.
I'm NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser.
I'm OVERWEIGHT, so I MUST have a problem with self control.
I'm PREPPY, so I MUST shun those who don't wear Abercrombie & Hollister.
I'm on a DANCE team, so I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.
I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naive.
I'm MEXICAN, so I MUST have hopped the border.
I GOT A CAR FOR MY BIRTHDAY, so I MUST be a spoiled brat.
I'm BLACK, so I MUST love watermelon.
I'm BI, so I MUST think every person I see is hot.
I'm an ASIAN GUY, so I MUST have a small penis.
I'm a GUY CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be gay.
I'm a PREP, so I MUST be rich.
I don't like the SUN so I MUST be an albino.
I have a lot of FRIENDS, so I MUST love to drink and party.
I wear tight PANTS and I'm a guy, so I MUST be emo.
I couldn't hurt a FLY, So I MUST be a pussy.
I support GAY RIGHTS, so I MUST fit in with everyone.
I hang(ed) out with teenage drinkers and smokers, so I MUST smoke and drink too.
I have ARTISTIC TALENT, so I MUST think little of those who don't.
I don't like to be in a BIG GROUP, so I MUST be anti-social.
I have a DIFFERENT sense of HUMOR, so I MUST be crazy.
I tell people OFF, so I MUST be an over controlling bitch.
My hair gets GREASY a lot, so I MUST have no hygiene skills.
I'm DEFENSIVE, so I MUST be over controlling and a bitch.
I'm a NUDIST, so I MUST want everyone to see my boobs.
I read Comics, so I MUST be a loser.
I hang out with a FORMER PROSTITUTE… So I MUST be a whore myself.
I'm TEXAN so I MUST ride a horse.
I'm a CROSSDRESSER, so I must be homosexual.
I draw ANIME so I MUST be a freak.
I am a FANGIRL so I MUST be a crazy, obsessed stalker.
I WATCH PORN so I MUST be perverted.
I'm an ONLY CHILD so I MUST be spoiled.
I'm INTELLIGENT so I MUST be weak.
I am AMERICAN so I MUST be obese, loud-mouthed and arrogant.
I'm WELSH so I MUST love sheep.
I'm a YOUNG WRITER, so I MUST be emo.
I'm CANADIAN, so I MUST talk with a funny accent.
I'm QUIET if I don't know you so I MUST be emo or anti-social.
I'm a GUY, so I MUST ditch my pregnant girlfriend.
I'm CANADIAN, so I MUST love hockey and beavers.
I'm DISABLED, so I MUST be on Welfare.
I'm a FEMINIST, so I MUST have a problem with sexuality and I want to castrate every man on the earth.
I'm a TEENAGER, so I MUST have a STEREOTYPE.
I WEAR A BIG SUNHAT when I go outside, so I MUST be stupid.
I like BLOOD, so I must be a VAMPIRE.
I'm an ALBINO, so I MUST be an evil person with mental abilities and am A MURDERER!
I'm ENGLISH, so I MUST speak with either a cockney or a posh accent, love tea and cricket, and have bad teeth.
I'm WHITE, so I MUST be responsible for everything going wrong on the planet: past, present, and future.
I don't like YAOI or YURI, so I must be a HOMOPHOBE.
I'm not the most POPULAR person in school, so I MUST be a loser.
I care about the ENVIRONMENT...I MUST be a tree hugging hippy.
I have a FAN CHARACTER, so I MUST be an annoying Mary-sue.
I CHAT, I MUST be having cyber sex.
I'm PAGAN so I MUST sacrifice babies and drink the blood of virgins.
I'm PAGAN so I MUST worship Satan.
I'm CONSERVATIVE, so I MUST be against Abortion.
I'm SWEDISH so I MUST be a tall blond blue-eyed lesbian.
I'm a LESBIAN so I MUST want to get with every single girl that I see.
I like CARTOONS, so I MUST be IRRESPONSIBLE.
I like READING, so I MUST be a LONER.
I have my OWN spiritual ideology; therefore I MUST be WRONG or MISGUIDED.
I am WICCAN, so I MUST be a SATANIST.
I DISAGREE with my government, so I MUST be a TERRORIST.
I am a WITCH, so I MUST be and OLD HAG and fly on a broomstick.
I love YAOI, so I MUST be GAY.
I'm a PERSON, so I MUST be LABELED.
I DON'T CURSE, so I MUST be an outcast.
I like GAMES, ANIME and COMICS, so I MUST be childish.
I'm SWEDISH, therefore I MUST be WHITE.
I SPOT GRAMMATICAL ERRORS, so I MUST be a pedantic bastard.
I'm GOTHIC, so I MUST be mean.
I'm STRONG so I MUST be stupid.
I'm Australian so I MUST hunt crocodiles and talk to kangaroos.
I go to RENFAIRES, so I MUST talk weird, be a loser, and not be up with the time.
I don't want a BOYFRIEND so I MUST be Lesbian.
I'm NOT CHRISTIAN so I MUST just need converting.
I love marching band, so I MUST be a friendless freak.
I DRINK and SMOKE, so I MUST have no life.
I am friends with a CUTTER, so I MUST be a CUTTER too.
I cry easily, so I MUST be a wimp.
I can't help pointing out mistakes so I MUST be an over-controlling perfectionist.
I'm a PERFECTIONIST so I MUST check everything ten times, them burst into tears at one mistake
I'm GAY so I'm after EVERY straight guy around.
I CURSE A LOT so I MUST be a bad kid and have problems.
I DON'T LIKE to talk about my personal life so I MUST be having problems.
X
I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic.
I'm EMO, so I MUST cut my wrists.
I'm a NEGRO so I MUST carry a gun.
I'm BLONDE, so I MUST be a ditz
I'm JAMAICAN so I MUST smoke weed.
I'm HAITIAN so I MUST eat cat.
I'm ASIAN, so I MUST be sexy.
I'm JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy.
I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS.
I'm a LESBIAN, so I MUST have a sex-tape.
I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist.
I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.
I'm a GAY RIGHTS SUPPORTER, so I WILL go to hell.
I'm a CHRISTAN, so I MUST think gay people should go to hell.
I'm RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat.
I'm ATHEIST so I MUST hate the world.
I don't have a RELIGION, so I MUST be evil and have no morals.
I'm REPUBLICAN, so I MUST not care about poor people.
I'm DEMOCRAT, so I MUST not believe in being responsible.
I am LIBERAL, so I MUST be gay.
I'm SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash.
I TAKE ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, so I MUST be crazy. (took)
I'm a GUY, so I MUST only want to get into your pants.
I'm IRISH, so I MUST have a bad drinking problem.
I'm INDIAN, so I MUST own a convenient store.
I'm NATIVE AMERICAN, so I MUST dance around a fire screaming like a savage.
I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore...
I'm a DANCER, So I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.
I wear SKIRTS a lot, so I MUST be a slut.
I'm a PUNK, so I MUST do drugs.
I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob.
I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth or emo.
I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend.
I'm CUBAN, so I MUST spend my spare time rolling cigars.
I'm NOT A VIRGIN, so I MUST be easy.
I FELL IN LOVE WITH A MARRIED MAN, so I MUST be a home-wrecking whore.
I'm a TEENAGE MOM, so I MUST be an irresponsible slut.
I'm POLISH, so I MUST wear my socks with my sandals.
I'm ITALIAN, so I must have a "big one".
I'm EGYPTIAN, so I must be a TERRORIST!
I'm PRETTY, so I MUST not be a virgin.
I HAVE STRAIGHT A'S, so I MUST have no social life.
I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS, so I MUST be looking for attention.
I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS so I MUST be looking for attention.
I'm INTO THEATER & ART, so I MUST be a homosexual.
I'm a VEGETARIAN, so I MUST be a crazy political activist.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be having sex with them all.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GIRLS WHO ARE FRIENDS, so I MUST be a player.
I have Big BOOBS, so I MUST be a hoe.
I'm COLOMBIAN, so I MUST be a drug dealer.
I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser.
I'm RUSSIAN, so I MUST be cool and that's how Russians roll.
I'm GERMAN, so I must be a Nazi.
I hang out with GAYS, so I must be GAY TOO.
I'm BRAZILIAN, so I MUST have a BIG BUTT.
I'm PUERTO RICAN, so I MUST look good and be conceited.
I'm SALVADORIAN, so I MUST be in MS 13.
I'm POLISH, so I MUST be greedy.
I'm HAWAIIAN so I MUST be lazy.
I'm PERUVIAN, so I MUST like llamas.
I'm a STONER so I MUST be going in the wrong direction.
I'm a VIRGIN so I MUST be prude.
I'm STRAIGHT EDGE so I must be violent.
I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly.. or crazy.
I'm BLACK so I MUST love fried chicken and kool-aid.
I'm a GIRL who actually EATS LUNCH, so I MUST be fat.
I'm SINGLE so I MUST be ugly.
I'm a SKATER so I must do weed and steal stuff.
I'm a PUNK so I must only wear black and date only other punks.
I'm ASIAN so I must be a NERD that does HOMEWORK 24/7.
I'm CHRISTIAN so I MUST hate homosexuals.
I'm MIXED so I must be screwed up.
I'm MUSLIM so I MUST be a terrorist.
I'm in BAND, so I MUST be a dork.
I'm BLACK so I MUST believe JESUS WUZ A BROTHA.
I'm MORMON so I MUST be perfect.
I'm WHITE and have black friends so I MUST think I'm black.
I'm GOTH so I MUST worship the devil.
I'm HISPANIC, so I MUST be dirty.
I'm NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser.
I'm OVERWEIGHT, so I MUST have a problem with self control.
I'm PREPPY, so I MUST shun those who don't wear Abercrombie & Hollister.
I'm on a DANCE team, so I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.
I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naive.
I'm MEXICAN, so I MUST have hopped the border.
I GOT A CAR FOR MY BIRTHDAY, so I MUST be a spoiled brat.
I'm BLACK, so I MUST love watermelon.
I'm BI, so I MUST think every person I see is hot.
I'm an ASIAN GUY, so I MUST have a small penis.
I'm a GUY CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be gay.
I'm a PREP, so I MUST be rich.
I don't like the SUN so I MUST be an albino.
I have a lot of FRIENDS, so I MUST love to drink and party.
I wear tight PANTS and I'm a guy, so I MUST be emo.
I couldn't hurt a FLY, So I MUST be a pussy.
I support GAY RIGHTS, so I MUST fit in with everyone.
I hang(ed) out with teenage drinkers and smokers, so I MUST smoke and drink too.
I have ARTISTIC TALENT, so I MUST think little of those who don't.
I don't like to be in a BIG GROUP, so I MUST be anti-social.
I have a DIFFERENT sense of HUMOR, so I MUST be crazy.
I tell people OFF, so I MUST be an over controlling bitch.
My hair gets GREASY a lot, so I MUST have no hygiene skills.
I'm DEFENSIVE, so I MUST be over controlling and a bitch.
I'm a NUDIST, so I MUST want everyone to see my boobs.
I read Comics, so I MUST be a loser.
I hang out with a FORMER PROSTITUTE… So I MUST be a whore myself.
I'm TEXAN so I MUST ride a horse.
I'm a CROSSDRESSER, so I must be homosexual.
I draw ANIME so I MUST be a freak.
I am a FANGIRL so I MUST be a crazy, obsessed stalker.
I WATCH PORN so I MUST be perverted.
I'm an ONLY CHILD so I MUST be spoiled.
I'm INTELLIGENT so I MUST be weak.
I am AMERICAN so I MUST be obese, loud-mouthed and arrogant.
I'm WELSH so I MUST love sheep.
I'm a YOUNG WRITER, so I MUST be emo.
I'm CANADIAN, so I MUST talk with a funny accent.
I'm QUIET if I don't know you so I MUST be emo or anti-social.
I'm a GUY, so I MUST ditch my pregnant girlfriend.
I'm CANADIAN, so I MUST love hockey and beavers.
I'm DISABLED, so I MUST be on Welfare.
I'm a FEMINIST, so I MUST have a problem with sexuality and I want to castrate every man on the earth.
I'm a TEENAGER, so I MUST have a STEREOTYPE.
I WEAR A BIG SUNHAT when I go outside, so I MUST be stupid.
I like BLOOD, so I must be a VAMPIRE.
I'm an ALBINO, so I MUST be an evil person with mental abilities and am A MURDERER!
I'm ENGLISH, so I MUST speak with either a cockney or a posh accent, love tea and cricket, and have bad teeth.
I'm WHITE, so I MUST be responsible for everything going wrong on the planet: past, present, and future.
I don't like YAOI or YURI, so I must be a HOMOPHOBE.
I'm not the most POPULAR person in school, so I MUST be a loser.
I care about the ENVIRONMENT...I MUST be a tree hugging hippy.
I have a FAN CHARACTER, so I MUST be an annoying Mary-sue.
I CHAT, I MUST be having cyber sex.
I'm PAGAN so I MUST sacrifice babies and drink the blood of virgins.
I'm PAGAN so I MUST worship Satan.
I'm CONSERVATIVE, so I MUST be against Abortion.
I'm SWEDISH so I MUST be a tall blond blue-eyed lesbian.
I'm a LESBIAN so I MUST want to get with every single girl that I see.
I like CARTOONS, so I MUST be IRRESPONSIBLE.
I like READING, so I MUST be a LONER.
I have my OWN spiritual ideology; therefore I MUST be WRONG or MISGUIDED.
I am WICCAN, so I MUST be a SATANIST.
I DISAGREE with my government, so I MUST be a TERRORIST.
I am a WITCH, so I MUST be and OLD HAG and fly on a broomstick.
I love YAOI, so I MUST be GAY.
I'm a PERSON, so I MUST be LABELED.
I DON'T CURSE, so I MUST be an outcast.
I like GAMES, ANIME and COMICS, so I MUST be childish.
I'm SWEDISH, therefore I MUST be WHITE.
I SPOT GRAMMATICAL ERRORS, so I MUST be a pedantic bastard.
I'm GOTHIC, so I MUST be mean.
I'm STRONG so I MUST be stupid.
I'm Australian so I MUST hunt crocodiles and talk to kangaroos.
I go to RENFAIRES, so I MUST talk weird, be a loser, and not be up with the time.
I don't want a BOYFRIEND so I MUST be Lesbian.
I'm NOT CHRISTIAN so I MUST just need converting.
I love marching band, so I MUST be a friendless freak.
I DRINK and SMOKE, so I MUST have no life.
I am friends with a CUTTER, so I MUST be a CUTTER too.
I cry easily, so I MUST be a wimp.
I can't help pointing out mistakes so I MUST be an over-controlling perfectionist.
I'm a PERFECTIONIST so I MUST check everything ten times, them burst into tears at one mistake
I'm GAY so I'm after EVERY straight guy around.
I CURSE A LOT so I MUST be a bad kid and have problems.
I DON'T LIKE to talk about my personal life so I MUST be having problems.
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Who knew?
4 min read
Who knew a guy could be so sweet two times (okay, multiple times, but for the sake of this we'll say two) in one day!?!
When I talked about him earlier I think I forgot to mention we're dating now (I know, right!?!), and he's just, like, the best boyfriend ever!!! He actually called me to say goodnight!!! <3 <3 <3 And I'm like totally stupid because I practically hung up on him, but I was so nervous, and it was just so... so... I dunno, it was awesome and scary and lovely and stressing at the same time. I know it was just a goodnight call, but still!!!
Okay, first, he has the most lovely voice I've ever heard!!! Like, it's perfect!!! And just the thought of it makes me smile, so I'm sure you can imagine what the sound of it makes me do! <3 And, like, he just, just, just... he's perfect!!! And he's just like the most thoughtful guy ever! <3
But anyways, I was so nervous! I was afraid I'd say something stupid and make him totally hate me ('cause he's under the misconception that I'm cute (I know, right!?!), and I don't want him to change his mind 'cause he's totally awesome and like honestly the best thing that's ever happened to me) and like, I'm already really bad at talking on the phone, and I didn't want to like completely freak him out or anything, and I think he thinks I didn't like it, but I totally loved it and it was honestly just a moment of blind panic and, like, he called me babe, and I know that probably doesn't seem like a big thing to you, but it totally makes me melt and I was just... so stupid!!! I shouldn't have hung up... but yeah...
Isn't he the sweetest!?!?! <3 <3 <3 I wanna say I love him, but it wouldn't mean the same thing I want it to the first time I say that to him because as much as I really like him I'm not in love with him yet, and I want those words to actually mean something, 'cause the only people I've ever actually loved have really hurt me and so it's not just like a word to me... but anyways, I just wanted to tell you all what a complete and utter sweetheart he is because I don't do diaries and I have no friends to speak of... so yeah. Goodnight! <3 <3 <3
p.s. I know I'm totally abusing the whole <3, but I can't help it!!! It's the first gift he ever gave me, and it's wonderful!!! <3
When I talked about him earlier I think I forgot to mention we're dating now (I know, right!?!), and he's just, like, the best boyfriend ever!!! He actually called me to say goodnight!!! <3 <3 <3 And I'm like totally stupid because I practically hung up on him, but I was so nervous, and it was just so... so... I dunno, it was awesome and scary and lovely and stressing at the same time. I know it was just a goodnight call, but still!!!
Okay, first, he has the most lovely voice I've ever heard!!! Like, it's perfect!!! And just the thought of it makes me smile, so I'm sure you can imagine what the sound of it makes me do! <3 And, like, he just, just, just... he's perfect!!! And he's just like the most thoughtful guy ever! <3
But anyways, I was so nervous! I was afraid I'd say something stupid and make him totally hate me ('cause he's under the misconception that I'm cute (I know, right!?!), and I don't want him to change his mind 'cause he's totally awesome and like honestly the best thing that's ever happened to me) and like, I'm already really bad at talking on the phone, and I didn't want to like completely freak him out or anything, and I think he thinks I didn't like it, but I totally loved it and it was honestly just a moment of blind panic and, like, he called me babe, and I know that probably doesn't seem like a big thing to you, but it totally makes me melt and I was just... so stupid!!! I shouldn't have hung up... but yeah...
Isn't he the sweetest!?!?! <3 <3 <3 I wanna say I love him, but it wouldn't mean the same thing I want it to the first time I say that to him because as much as I really like him I'm not in love with him yet, and I want those words to actually mean something, 'cause the only people I've ever actually loved have really hurt me and so it's not just like a word to me... but anyways, I just wanted to tell you all what a complete and utter sweetheart he is because I don't do diaries and I have no friends to speak of... so yeah. Goodnight! <3 <3 <3
p.s. I know I'm totally abusing the whole <3, but I can't help it!!! It's the first gift he ever gave me, and it's wonderful!!! <3
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Untitled
2 min read
Okay, so, like, I met this guy the other day and now I can't stop smiling!!! Like, seriously, my face is split in half right now (which is so weird because I have permanent bitch-face)!!! Like, I've never felt this way about a guy before. In the past it was always about pain and heartache and hurting myself because I was trying to be better, but this is so... different. He's the first guy I've ever liked that made me smile when he was talking to me, and I'm so far away from suicidal thoughts right now I'm practically fixed! Of course, I'm not stupid enough to claim I'm in love with him - I barely know him - but I definitely really like him!!! He's super cute and funny and nice and smart, and a ton of other stuff. But I'm done ranting now, so I'll save everything else I thought of saying until the next time he's so sweet it gives me toothaches. <3
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